A WTF was that? Book Review - Squirm: virgin captive of the billionaire biker tentacle monster (The Squirm Files #1)

The Blurb:

A parody of everything great and weird in erotic romance that could be stuffed into one book without it exploding.

For some girls, one tentacle isn't enough.

Having a bad day isn't good but when Virginia Chaste has a bad day, she gets felt up by a tentacle monster. If it simply has to happen, let it at least be a billionaire and a hot biker.

Virginity isn't all it's cracked up to be and her search for the Holy Grail of Erotic Romance, the ten inch purple-headed schlong, may have finally borne fruit.

Yeehaw! Playing hide the tentacle has never been so much fun.

Our Review:

Greydays: 

Squirm is about as subtle as a brick smacking you in the face.  It's short, doesn't take itself seriously and was genuinely very funny.  What's not to like???  I mean, obviously, I have been missing out all these years not having tentacle sex or experiencing a ten-inch purple schlong.......schlong, schlong schlong. 

I love that word.

It's not used enough in romantic fiction if you ask me or my blog partner in crime, Little Red.  Our text messages, to each other, read along the lines of 'she said schlong....bwah hahahahahaha.'  

I also think it includes every single sub genre of erotic/romantic fiction that has ever been written about.
Bikers? Check.  Virgins? Check.  Misunderstood billionaire with a large...helicopter? Check.  The list goes on.

The hero is a strong, sexy, alpha male called Karl Thulu (get it?) with a thing for garden gnomes and tentacles.  The heroine is a smart and sassy virgin called Virginia who only wants to meet a man with a big schlong....god dammit!!  Karl doesn't do Red Rooms of Pain btw, oh no, he has a sacrificial room!  (Take that Christian Grey).  Plus, there is a henchman with a dildo for a willy called Bob *snort*; fluffy battery operated rabbits *he he he*.  

It will never be a great work of fiction or the most erotic book ever written, unless you are into marine porn (which you might be.  Who knows what floats someone's boat) but it is enjoyable none the less.

My favourite line?  "It's a garden gnome, Ming dynasty."

Little Red: 

Where do I start with this work of adult, sexy-time themed literature? Surprisingly, it was quiet well written...if you ignored the sex clichés and not-so-blunt references to Fifty Shades of Grey. But it's the shocking lack of subtly which makes Squirm utterly hilarious.

Sometimes, it's like the book has been written by a teenage boy; Virginia forgetting all of her underwear, wearing a teeny tiny dress and massive heels... yeah! I particularly like the fact she was after a 10 inch schlong and she's even got an equation to work out the size of a willy from a bulge. Bahahaha!

The book is hilariously genius I spent most of it laughing because it was hard to take seriously. I don't know who comes up with this stuff, well I do, but I have no idea why? Bikers I get, I even get the whole werewolf thing, but shapeshifting men squid things? Not so much. Still, it's good fun! 

Buy from Amazon UK

The Real Thing by Cassie Mae

The Blurb: 

Eric Matua has one friend-his best friend and childhood sweetheart, who needs a place to stay for the summer. Mia Johnson has thousands of friends-who live in her computer. Along with her email chats and Facebook notifications, Mia also devours romance novels, spending countless hours with fictional characters, dreaming of her own Romeo to sweep her off her feet. When she starts receiving supersweet messages from a stranger who thinks she's someone else, Mia begins to believe that real love is possible outside her virtual world.

When the two friends become roommates, Mia finds herself falling harder than she ever thought she could. But Eric keeps his desires locked away, unsure of himself and his ability to give his best friend what she deserves in a boyfriend. As her advances are continually spurned, Mia splits her time between Eric and her computer. But she soon realizes she's about to lose the only real thing she's ever had.become roommates, Mia finds herself falling harder than she ever thought she could. But Eric keeps his desires locked away, unsure of himself and his ability to give his best friend what she deserves in a boyfriend. As her advances are continually spurned, Mia splits her time between Eric and her computer. But she soon realizes she's about to lose the only real thing she's ever had.

My Review:

It's taken me a while to write this review, to be honest.  I couldn't quite figure out if I liked this book or not.  On reflection, I  really really wanted to like this more but it wasn't for me.  Please don't get me wrong, it's well written, the characters have an interesting back story and it's one of my favourite writing tropes 'lovers to friends'.

I just couldn't get into it.  

I found that Emmy's constant use of social media grated on my nerves.  (My family and friends would call me a hypocrite for writing that but i'm not that bad!).  While Eric was sweet he was a bit of a sap; I thought Emmy was immature.  

Yet the overall story endearing but not enough to over come my indifference to the main characters.

Cassie Mae is a talented writer and if she ever reads this I hope she's not offended but as I said earlier, this book just didn't grab me.

*Arc copy received from Netgalley and the publishers, Random House Publishing Group, in exchange for an honest review.

New cover for Whiskey Lullaby!

I stumbled across Whiskey Lullaby by Dawn Martens and Emily Minton, ages ago and really enjoyed it.

It's being rereleased with new materiel on the 7/ 9/14 and it will be included in a box set with the sequel, Broken and a novella.  

Keep a eye out.

The Girl with all the Gifts, M.R Carey

A spoiler-free review...ish. Spoiler-free ish, but completely honest. 

Amazon lied to me, or rather the one-liner reviews on Amazon by Vogue, Guardian and Metro did. Even Joss Whedon was in on it. Here are their mini reviews:

"Original, thrilling and powerful (GUARDIAN)

Haunting, heartbreaking (VOGUE)

Vividly memorable and unexpectedly poignant (METRO)

As fresh as it is terrifying . . . It left me sighing with envious joy (Joss Whedon, screenwriter, film and television producer)"


I want to make it very clear that I really enjoyed the book. It was well written, easy to read and created a vivid mental image, but it wasn't what I was expecting. I was expecting a though-provoking, profound novel about, what I assumed were, the sciencey-fiction powers of a little girl. Telekinesis, maybe or super strength. But no. What I got was another post-apocalyptic book about zombies. Melanie, the protagonist, doesn't really have any gifts so to speak that aren't directly related to her 'special condition', although I suspect the title draws reference the the myth of Pandora's Box, which is mentioned in the book. 

The first few chapters led me to believe that I was indeed getting something different, something original. But then the SHTF and it quickly transforms from a well-written science fiction/thriller to a typical face-paced zombie horror. The quality of the writing doesn't change, it was still very well written  and the author clearly has done some extensive research in to the cause of the majority of the population becoming crazed, running-too-fast zombies. It was the cause behind the infection which I believe the Guardian took as being original. It isn't. I don't want to divulge too much, but if you're a big player of video games (are we still calling them that?) you'll know exactly what I'm talking about when you read it. If not, look up (SPOILER!!) Nonetheless, if you're not au fait with the latest video games it does make for a fairly original and somewhat worrying cause of infection. And I suppose that's the point. For me a good zombie apocalypse has to be believable and the cause of infection here certainly is. 

What would have taken this book to the next level would have been for it to have been written during the point at which the SHTF, not some 20 years after. You so very rarely read/see books/films or TV programs where it's kicking off during the thing. The exception being World War Z (book and film) -apologies if I've left any out, I'm sure there are others!

Despite it's intriguing science and eloquence, the book ends the way I expected it to. If you're expecting a miracle cure though, you'll be disappointed. Overall, it's a fantastic read and I highly recommend it, despite the book blurb being misleading. 

Rival (Fall Away Series) by Penelope Douglas

The Blurb:

Madoc and Fallon. Two estranged teenagers playing games that push the boundaries between love and war…

She’s back.

For the two years she’s been away at boarding school, there was no word from her. Back when we lived in the same house, she used to cut me down during the day and then leave her door open for me at night.

I was stupid then, but now I’m ready to beat her at her own game…

I’m back.

Two years and I can tell he still wants me, even if he acts like he’s better than me.

But I won’t be scared away. Or pushed down. I’ll call his bluff and fight back. That’s what he wants, right? As long as I keep my guard up, he’ll never know how much he affects me…


The Review:

What can I say?  

I think that this just about sums it up.....

This is the third book in the excellent Fall Away series by the talented Ms Douglas and this time the story focuses on Jared Trent's best friend Madoc Caruthers and his Step-sister Fallon Pierce.  

I found Rival darker in tone than the previous two books.  Not to give away any spoilers but for Young Adult books there are some pretty heavy duty themes running throughout the series thus far.   Kudos to Penelope for writing about them in such a sympathetic manner.

Having loved Madoc in the first two books.; I thought there was much more to him than good looks, lots of money and mischievous nature.  I pleased to say that I was right Batman!  Admittedly, I spent some of the book really really disliking him for his attitude towards Fallon but the boy comes right in the end.  And Fallon!  Fantastic character.  She skates, she has tattoos, she has attitude and I may just have a tiny girl crush on her.

But beware my darling readers!!! It is a love story, it is a hate story. There is a lot more sex in this book than in the previous ones, so those who do not like sex scenes and are of a nervous disposition may wish to shut your eyes for these bits as they are HOT. Personally, I do not believe that there can be too much sex in a book.......

Anyway on with the review.

The last quarter of the book was full of surprising events which would have made me do a happy dance if I hadn't been reading in the middle of the night, feeding my little girl and trying not to disturb my hubby. Ultimately it was a satisfying ending (no sex pun intended).

Rival can be read as a stand alone but I would highly recommend you read Bully and Until You (something that Little Red still hasn't done.... Sod it, I'm just going to buy you Bully, Kay Red.).  They are in my go to books that I will read again and again.  I have written short reviews for Bully and my favourite in the series, Until You, on Goodreads.  However, if you are a fellow fan like me don't worry, there is plenty of Jared and Tate.  We also get a glimpse of the  man Jax is fast becoming (and I liked what I saw....swoon).

Penelope Douglas has become one of my favourite authors; If I see a book written by her, Michelle Valentine, S C Stephens or Heidi McLaughlin it will be an insta-buy.  She writes with warmth and wit.

I look forward to the next instalment, Falling Away.

Sara 

*ARC copy received from UK publisher via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

Buy Bully
Buy Until You
Buy Rival 

Me and my Kindle.

As my Partner in Crime knows, I love books; love, love, LOVE them. Some are like old friends - there when I need them most, the ones I turn to when I need a break or familiarity. There are the ones I pick up over the summer every year, to savour and enjoy in the sun as I watch my rapidly-growing daughter play in the park. Then there are the new books-sometimes new to me or recently new out. 

And then there are Kindle books. Until recently, I've treat such 'books' and Kindles with disdain, much like some music lovers turn their noses up at digital music formats or CDs. Lots of friends gave me plenty of reasons to get a Kindle, the biggest being I could save space. If you saw my small house and the amount of books and bookcases I have, you'd understand their argument. My frontroom is dominated by two large, over-filled bookcases; there is one at the bottom of the stairs and one at the top. There are piles of books beside my bed and until recently, there were piles in my bathroom. There's something about having my books out that I love. It's not a boastful 'look at what I read' statement; to me they are home. When I've moved (fortunately, that's not been for several years now) they've always been the first thing I've unpacked. They've made every house feel like a home. But they do present a problem. I am running out of space for more bookcases and I'm genuinely concerned that I'll have to move to accommodate them all. Moving to a bigger house seems like an extreme move simply to house more books. 

I didn't buy my Kindle. It was kindly given to me by a sister. It's only the cheapest model. I already had a few Kindle books on my Nexus; they were either free or cheap, but I hadn't read many as the Nexus isn't very outdoor friendly; the shiny screen isn't so great in the sun or under bright light. So I was quite pleased when I found the Kindle solved this problem. Also, I've noticed, Kindle books are cheaper than their paper counter parts, but not always cheaper if you're happy to buy second hand, which I am. Obviously, one could argue you get them straight away instead of waiting for them to arrive via snail mail, but is there anything more exciting and satisfying than getting a book through the post? Is there anything more enjoyable than spending an afternoon in a bookshop, especially a good second hand one? Of course the Kindle also solves the going-out-when-I've-nearly-finished-a-book problem, which is a particular issue if you plan to spend all day in the park or on the beach or are going on a long train journey (as I often do). I don't want to take two books with me and the Kindle means I can have another one lined up without the bulk. Not to mention the ease when packing for a holiday (I've been know to ditch clothes and toiletries in favour of extra books). Just don't drop the Kindle in the pool!

I'm part way through the third book I've read on the Kindle and I'm really enjoying it, but something's not quite right and I feel like I should be buying the 'real' version when I'm done. I don't know if this will change in time, but all the time the cost of Kindle books are higher than a second hand copy of a book, I'm not sure I'll always buy them. Besides, it's nice to see what your friends look like in the flesh.